It has been a long time since I sat in front of the computer to write my thoughts. So much has happened in the six weeks since I retired. Besides the amazing trip to Germany and Italy, we have struggled to find a routine in our new life. Having our daughter Jessica, her husband Sam and their two kids Hattie (4) and Jude (9 months) living with us has made finding a routine hard. They are in the process of selling their condo in Chicago and hope to move out to the suburbs near us. When that all falls into place we will be complaining that the house is too quiet. That is the way the world works sometimes.
One of the things I am enjoying is being able to read the books I want to read. I continue working my way through the Donna Leon books, as well as William Kent Kruger’s Cork series. The next in the series weren’t available at the library so I picked up Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim’s Tale instead. St Francis has always been an enigma to me, but through the prodding of Matt Landry, and the ongoing encouragement of Bob Barr; Francis has come to life. While our visit to Assisi was a disappointment to me, Francis has become more and more important. Richard Rohr has become a comforting friend through his writings and daily devotion to help me understand a wee bit about the way that Francis lived. I have always been drawn to the remark from Marcus Borg that Jesus was the most God-like person to ever have lived. I am coming to see Francis as the most Jesus-like person to have ever lived.
Ian Morgan Cron’s novel is about a fundamentalist pastor who begins to struggle with questions of faith, but because of his position as pastor, can’t. Chase Falson, the pastor in the story could be me. For the past number of years I have struggled with the same questions that he did. Fortunately for me, for the most part I have served in churches that were willing to let me “Wrestle with God”. Unfortunately for me, I too had to face the piper and experienced the same fate Chase did.
Just about a year ago, I was called into a meeting with my District Superintendent: we call them Conference Superintendents now, but I am not ready to change my language. At that meeting she gave me an ultimatum. I could take a new appointment, or I could retire --- she claimed the church did not want me to return (which was not true). Why did she do that? I have no idea. I was dumbfounded at what she told me, and even more so when I came to understand that she bold-faced lied to me.
For the past year, I have had to process what it means to be forced out, when the church does not want you to go, and what that means to my relationship with God. Like Chase, at first I was pretty pissed off. We all like to retain our agency, and don’t like someone else undercutting that. Then I became angry at the church. Not Meridian Street, they are somewhat innocent bystanders (although some are complicit in the lie that was perpetuated). I hate to see the damage that was done in the way that this was handled to MSUMC.
In the end, as I sit out on my deck (swatting mosquitoes) on warm evening --- I am happy where things ended up. In many ways, I am closer to God than I have been in a long time. I love not having to go to meetings every stinking night, and to be able to sleep in (ok, with a nine month old that isn’t really happening). I love being closer to my family; our girls, the grandkids, my mom, my nieces and nephew and yes, even my brother. Life is good.
I encourage you to pick up Chasing Francis, because you just may find your story in there as well.
