Experiencing Life in the Psalms: Wonder

Psalm 139    (NRSV)

To the leader. Of David. A Psalm.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is so high that I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from your spirit?
    Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
    if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
    and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light around me become night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is as bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

For it was you who formed my inward parts;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
    Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
    My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
    all the days that were formed for me,
    when none of them as yet existed.
How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
    I come to the end—I am still with you.

O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
    and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—
those who speak of you maliciously,
    and lift themselves up against you for evil!
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with perfect hatred;
    I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

In four months my life is going to profoundly change --- and I cannot even begin to imagine how different it is going to be.

I remember that day 30 years ago when the doctor turned to me and said, Mr Conger you have a daughter.

Now, sometime in July, I will hear similar but very different words.  Instead of being a father --- I will be a grandfather.

          It is hard to even imagine

As I was reading our scripture this morning, I was meditating on this soon to be reality, and Psalm 139 really spoke to me.

It seemed as if God was already preparing me to welcome this new child:

          For it was you who formed my inward parts;
          you knit me together in my mother's womb (v. 13).

And as I continued reading, God seemed to be speaking to me even clearer.  As I wonder how this unborn child can go from a hoped-for dream of her parents to flesh and blood, bones, muscles, long skinny fingers and cute ears. Then I read:

when I was being made in secret . . . Your eyes beheld my unformed substance (v. 15).

And while I am excited and anxious, I know that my feelings are nothing in comparison to Jessica and Sam's.  And that their feelings are nothing compared to God's.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me. (v 1-5)

My hope for this baby, today, and on the day she arrives is that she will one day realize and pray with the psalmist,

          I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made (v. 14).

And while the arrival of this grandchild is certainly changing the way that I read scripture, I know that most likely, you are reading and hearing this passage very differently.

As we continue our journey through the Psalms, our theme this week is WONDER.  Each of the Psalms that you will be sent as a part of our Lenten Devotional has to do with Wonder.  Psalm 8, Psalm 104, Psalm 19, Psalm 103 and todays Psalm 139.

As I read and prayed over these Psalms --- one thing kept coming back to me.

And maybe this is a bigger challenge for me than it is for you, but it is certainly something that I struggle with --- WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO WONDER?

Somewhere along the way --- I stopped being as enamored with wonder and became more concerned with certainty.

And from my perspective, it seems like it is a pretty typical problem for many of us.

I have a friend who used to be a part-time magician.

We would sit around and he would practice his magic tricks with us.

There was nothing really big about the tricks that he did --- mainly sleight of hand

But I would watch closely and do my best to figure out how the trick was done

I have always loved magicians, and marvel at their skill to trick our brains

But one day, he and I went to see a local magician perform

Throughout the show --- I would turn to Mark and say --- did you see that

Finally, after me interjecting my wisdom at figuring out how the trick was done, Mark turned to me and said --- "Quit trying to figure it out and just let yourself be amazed"

I had lost some of my sense of wonder

Over the years I have encountered many on the Christian journey who suffer from what I call for lack of a better term "dead eyes".

What I mean by that is when you look into their eyes they seem hollow and flat --- as if the very spark of life had been taken from them.

I am willing to bet that we all know people who are just like that

Since I first became aware of this phenomenon, I have asked many people one basic question:

How do you remain fully present, fully-engaged, fully-alive in a ministry that can become mundane, rote, and nothing more than an empty repetition?

I don't just ask this question just to pastors (although we seem to suffer from it more that many) — but also to entrepreneurs, business people, stay-at home moms, empty nesters, retirees, and college students.

I ask because I've seen that ghost-like look in countless eyes regardless of age, socio-economic status, or profession.

The battle is constant.

"How do I not lose myself?"

I ask like a beggar searching for scraps of wisdom.

Over the years I've learned a few things. Most of the advice is pretty simple but also transformative.

• Work with good people you enjoy.
• Stay grounded in community.
• Stay rooted in Scripture.
• Surround yourself with people who love you enough to say "no."

But there was one more thing I learned.

I was talking about this with a friend and they offered one simple piece of advice --- NEVER LOSE THE WONDER.

          I only wish I had learned it years earlier.

Almost 25 years ago, I went on a two week mission trip to central Jamaica.  I left Nancy at home with three little girls under the age of 5 (and of course it was January).

I went on this trip because I was at a crisis point.  I was almost five years into a new church plant that was consuming my soul.

          We were doing well in attracting people

                   people with great needs

Our average adult age was about 25 or so, and we attracted a huge population of divorced persons

While we had good numbers, we could not financially sustain the ministry --- and it was taking a toll.

While I loved what we were doing (Nancy and I gave birth to this baby church) --- my eyes were getting dulled by the increasing challenge of staying afloat.

So off I went to Jamaica ---

          Oh the stories both Nancy and I could tell (but I will leave that for another day)

I am just thankful that she didn't packed up the car with our three little girls and head back to North Carolina --- not that she didn't think about it!

There were just three of us from the church that went --- we joined a larger group helping to re-build a church in the middle of nowhere. 

The church was located on top of a hill (It seemed like a mountain at the time) and most of the people who came to work would struggle every day just to get up the hill, because the only way up was to walk.

Since we were "young" the three of us were given the job of carting up the materials to the church every day.

So up and down the hill we went carrying bags of cement, wheelbarrows of rock or piles of lumber

I would be lying if I didn't say --- it was the hardest I have ever worked and maybe the most rewarding work I have ever done.

          I had no payroll to worry about

                    Or mortgage to make sure got paid

I went with dull eyes --- but while I was there --- God began to fill them again.

On one of our last nights, I went out for a walk by myself, and sat down on a hillside.

What I remember vividly was that the night was very dark

I was looking off into the distance, watching huge conveyor belts move bauxite that was being mined in the mountains and I sat in awe because I KNEW I was in the presence of God.

I knew that where I was sitting was holy ground.

Psalm 8 began to run through my mind

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
    the moon and the stars that you have established;
what are human beings that you are mindful of them,
    mortals that you care for them?

And the 139th Psalm became real to me.

I realized that even though I had gone to Jamaica to flee God, to flee the responsibilities that seemed to be weighing me down --- there was no place that I could go that God wasn't already there with me

Where can I go from your spirit?
    Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
    if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
    and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light around me become night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is as bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

And in that moment --- I heard the voice of God

Where does God speak to you?

·         In the wonder of creation?

·         When holding a new born child?

·         When offering food to someone who is hungry?

One of my favorite poems was written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God; And only he who sees takes off his shoes; The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

In a few moments we are going to share in the Eucharist

As I go through the liturgy you can try to figure out the magic words.

But I promise you, it will still be bread and grape juice

But, if you are willing to allow your wonder to take over --- it will also be Jesus