Happy Birthday Stewart

Fifty eight years ago, Stewart Wesley Conger was born.  His life was stolen from him by cancer on November 11, 1985.  Life can be unfair.

On this day, as on so many others, I wonder what life would have been like if Stewart had lived?  I paused earlier today in front of the last portrait of our post-Stewart family before the addition of husbands, girl-friends and of course grand-children.  So much has changed.  While that picture has 12 of us in it, today's picture would have 20 --- we are fortunate that in the 35 years since Stewart died we have not lost anyone else only had additions.  But how big a loss is that one person who is gone?  I can never fully know.

The only thing I know is the personal loss that I feel.  Stewart was born two years after me, and our relationship was far from perfect (we were siblings after all).  But there was always an understanding between us, and a unique bond. (We had to be partners against Scott.)

Just the other day, in the Indianapolis Star they shared the story of Ken Snow, IU's greatest soccer player who died at the age of 50.  The picture that accompanied the article made me do a double take.  Stewart had almost the same picture in the Chicago Tribune when he was named to the All-Chicago-Land soccer team his senior year in high-school.  I thought Ken's picture was actually Stewart at first.  And while a few decades ago, that experience would have depressed me --- this time it put a smile on my face as I remembered the gift of Stewart.

I will never fully get over his death, nor get over the questions of what if, or my questions for the divine; but I can remember and celebrate the joy, the laughter and the love that Stewart brought to everything. 

Happy Birthday!  I miss you

Anyone who is interested in reading the story of Stewart from the perspective of my dad, in his book: Don't Worry Dad, Everything is Okay, I am happy to share a copy.