The Fear of Letting Go

 Ecclesiastes 7:14   (The Message)

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won’t take anything for granted.

Back at the end of October, if you had asked me how hard this was going to be --- I would have told you (Actually, I did tell a few of you) that it would be --- NO PROBLEM

Boy was I wrong

I have found out that I have been lying to myself

Trying to find time to grieve (while trying to get a house ready to sell and moving) and trying hard not to show that you are grieving has been unbelievably hard!

And while next Sunday may be my last Sunday in the pulpit with you and I will be retired from parish ministry --- I still will be a pastor.

We have a lot going on the next few weeks. 

Tuesday the service for Ken Lauder (John & Phyllis)

Wednesday the service for Jo Baize

Saturday the service for Mike Hanlin

And sometime a service for Jean Weinheimer

WHAT A WEEK!

Then on:

June 6th we close on the sale of our home here in Indy

A home that we have loved!

June 8th the Northern Illinois conference has their memorial service for clergy who have died in the past year and my father will be recognized at our annual conference 

June 10th I will be recognized as a part of the retiring class from the Indiana Conference

June 11th is the one year anniversary of my father’s death and we will gather as a family to remember

June 17-19 we are hosting a wedding shower for our nephew

June 20 – July 4 we will be in Germany and Italy

It is exhausting just to think about it all!

What happens after July 1?

Rachel Metheny will be your pastor

    and

Nancy and I will be your friend

Part of the covenant that we agree to as United Methodist Clergy is that when we leave a church --- regardless of whether it is because of a move to a new church or to retirement or even an appointment to an extension ministry --- we leave the church we had been serving.  

We covenant with each other to only come by invitation of the new pastor, and not to interfere in that Pastor's ministry

Rev Rachel Metheny will be your pastor effective July 1 --- and I intend to do all in my power to help her succeed --- and the most important thing I can do to help her is stay out of the way.

Nancy and I have no idea where we will end up going to church.  The closest church to our new home is the church I grew up in through elementary school and was confirmed in.  I imagine will we give it a try --- but in the end --- I have told Nancy that she gets to pick where we go --- since she hasn't had a choice in the matter during our marriage.

But that is not what I want to talk about today.

I want to talk about the fear of change --- or as I titled this sermon --- The Fear of Letting Go

NOBODY likes change ---

except maybe a baby with a dirty diaper

Most of us are paralyzed by the thought of change.

In his challenging book The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves, psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz tells the story of Marissa Panigrosso, who worked on the 98th floor of the South Tower of the World Trade Center. 

She recalled that when the first plane hit the North Tower on September 11, 2001, a wave of hot air came through her glass windows as intense as opening a pizza oven.

She did not hesitate. 

She didn’t even pick up her purse, make a phone call or turn off her computer. 

She walked quickly to the nearest emergency exit, pushed through the door and began the ninety-eight-stairway decent to the ground. 

What she found curious is that far more people chose to stay right where they were. They made outside calls and even an entire group of colleagues went into their previously scheduled meeting.

Why would they choose to stay in such a vulnerable place in such an extreme circumstance?

Because they were human beings and human beings find change to be extremely difficult, if not practically impossible. 

To leave without being instructed to leave was a risk a risk many would not take.

 

Even among those people who chose to leave, there were some who went back to the floor to retrieve personal belongings they couldn’t bear to part with. 

One woman was walking down alongside Marissa Panigrosso when she stopped herself and went back upstairs to get the baby pictures of her children left on her desk. 

To lose them was too much for her to accept. 

That decision was fatal.

When human beings are faced with chaotic circumstances, our impulse is to stay safe by doing what we’ve always done before. 

To change our course of action seems far riskier than to keep on keeping on. 

To change anything about our lives, even our choice of toothpaste, causes great anxiety.

How we are convinced finally to change is by hearing stories of other people who risked and triumphed. 

Not some easy triumph, either. 

But a hard fought one that takes every ounce of the protagonist’s inner fortitude.

Because that’s what it takes in real life to leave a dysfunctional relationship, move to a new city, or quit your job. 

It just does.

I think it is because change requires loss. 

And the prospect of loss is far more powerful than potential gain. 

It’s difficult to imagine what a change will do to us. 

But change is coming and I want to address my fears of change --- my fears of letting go and in the process hopefully address some of yours.

I think the biggest fear --- the elephant in the room for you and for me is pretty much the same fear --- we just come at it a little differently

• Will we like the new way?

Will you like Pastor Rachel?

Will I like my new role as RETIRED?  

I can tell you that it scares the heck out of me

• With a new leader --- will you see all of my flaws that you overlooked

As I struggle with my insecurities

• At the end of the day --- did I make a difference?

The truth is we don't have to accept the reality that I will no longer be your pastor.

We can stick our head in the sand --- we can put out hands over our ears and sing --- falalalala

But it doesn't change anything

Hanging on keeps us from moving forward

6 years ago there were some families that were very close to Pastor Anne

The sad reality is --- some of them are no longer active in the church because they could not make the transition to the new guy (me)

Others of you loved Pastor Anne, but when the Conger's arrived you adapted to the new leadership --- and over time many of you came to love us and respect us, just as you had the previous pastors

Joseph Campbell put it this way:

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

BUT, I understand the reality of the situation

I have performed numerous weddings and baptisms

I have presided over way too many funerals 

I have been your pastor during the 200th celebration of this church

The construction of the Welcome Center

Two new playgrounds

Celebration Terrace

I have been your pastor during one of the most unimaginable times in our lives

Whether for you that is the breaking apart of the United Methodist Church or weathering the storm of the pandemic

As the author of Ecclesiastes says:

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won’t take anything for granted.

And I will always cherish those memories and challenges

And nothing can take them away

Thankful that God was with us in both the good and the bad

I hope you will cherish them as well

But I also want you to make new memories --- and for Nancy and I to do the same

The other day when the storm came through I was looking out the window and watching the trees --- I had a revelation.

The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. 

They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. 

They understand the power of letting go. 

Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break.

We have to be flexible and let the winds of change blow.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind.  

But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.

Letting go doesn't mean that we don't care

Letting go doesn't mean we shut down

Letting go doesn’t mean that we cannot remain friends

Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people do what we want.

It means we give up resistance to the way things are.

It means we stop trying to do the impossible --- controlling that which we cannot --- and instead, focus on what is possible. 

And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.

Change is not easy

Letting go will not be easy

But we let go --- so that we can become what God desires us to be.

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won’t take anything for granted.