Gratitude and Me

James 1:17-27   (NRSV)

Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. In fulfillment of his own purpose he gave us birth by the word of truth, so that we would become a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness. Therefore rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like. But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act—they will be blessed in their doing.

If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Over the last few weeks, you were invited to share what you are grateful for.

Your responses have been amazing and insightful.

I knew the question: "What do you struggle with being grateful for?" --- would be the real hard one.

          And by your responses it clearly was

                   But some of you shared some very profound insights

If you missed any of those three Sundays --- and even if you were here --- I invite you to take a minute and answer these three questions.

          Grab the pencil out of the pew rack

                   What am I thankful for?

                   What do I struggle being thankful for?

                   How am I grateful for Meridian Street UMC?

I am going to give you a minute to do that, because I think it is important.

I said it is important but why?

Why is that important?

Because gratitude changes our attitude.

Studies have shown that an attitude of gratitude will actually change our body chemistry in some very beneficial ways.

So why do we struggle with gratitude so much?

I struggle with gratitude

          I am not really sure why . . .

          But I can tell you I have struggled with it all my life

I have preached on gratitude --- I have invited you to keep a gratitude journal.

          I don’t think I lasted even a week at it

I struggle with gratitude --- maybe some of you are like me ---

I want to be grateful but . . .

Part of the problem is that gratitude isn't a once and done thing ---

          gratitude is a lifelong attitude adjustment.

And for me --- it is a real challenge

Even though I have spent the last couple of weeks reading article after article that talk about the benefits of gratitude, I sometimes wonder --- does it really work?

What really is gratitude?

Why does it seem so hard?

Does it really change things?
Would my life be different if I was more grateful?

Is gratitude the key to the BIG problems in our world?

Tough questions, that I hope we can answer a bit over the next couple of weeks.

And while many of us struggle with personal gratitude; it is clear from looking at the news, watching the political ads of the last few months (I AM GRATEFUL THEY ARE OVER!) that we are failing miserably with communal thanksgiving.

As a people we are anxious and angry

·         haunted by nightmares of scarcity

·         dystopian fears that outsiders are going to come and take everything from us

·         that there is never enough

·         afraid we won't get what we deserver

But I don't want to focus on communal gratitude today --- today is about personal gratitude

And, as I have been on this gratitude journey the last few months, the thing that I have come to understand is that my struggles with gratitude really stem from my failure to understand what gratitude is really all about.

Studies suggest that about 78% of us say that we felt gratitude in the past week.

But those same studies suggest that we do not have any consensus on exactly what gratitude means.

I have preached on gratitude over and over again --- and I have come to the conclusion that I really have failed to understand gratitude fully.

Most westerners have defined gratitude as a commodity of exchange --- it is a transaction of debt and duty --- subtly organized around notions of wealth and power.

Benefactors would give benefits to persons who in turn would be indebted to those benefactors.

This model built on reciprocity is so pervasive that most of us no longer even recognize it.

This model, even though it is the predominate view, hasn't served us very well.

What if we could experience a different way of seeing gratitude? 

A model that sees gratitude as a spiritual awareness and results in ethical transformation? 

A model that is one of gift and response rather than debt and duty.

Would we be willing to give it a try?

Gratitude at its simplest level relates to emotions --- feelings

We are grateful for:

·         safe travel

·         new job

·         safe arrival of baby

·         veterans

·         go read the list that is in the display cases --- or what you just wrote down

I am willing to bet that what we wrote has at its root --- emotions

But we each experience those feelings --- those emotions differently

This underlying radical idea of gratitude being something other than a debt-duty response has always been present in our Christian tradition.

Soon, the display cases in the hallway will no longer have our grateful statements pinned to the boards --- soon they will be replaced with nativity scenes

Have you ever looked real carefully at the manger scenes?

          Animals

          Shepherds

          Mary, Joseph

          Baby Jesus    (almost always shown as white Europeans)

          3 Wise men   (almost always shown with dark skin)

Why am I suggesting that the manger scene is so radical?

          What did the Wise men bring?

In the traditional understanding of debt-duty the holy family would be indebted to the Wise men for their extravagant gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

There is no chance that this peasant holy family could pay back the generosity of these gifts --- there was only radical gratitude

These gifts are upside down

          Peasants brought gifts to kings

                   Not the other way around

Baby Jesus did nothing to deserve these gifts and has no capacity to repay them.

Obligation is gone

The gifts really are gifts.

It is radical generosity

Not surprisingly, studies have shown that men have a much more difficult time with gratitude than women.

Men are much more likely to be stuck in the debt --- duty understanding of gratitude

one author went so far as calling gratitude a "humiliating emotion" that is best concealed.

Men are often taught to abhor indebtedness and seek independence --- which obviously are a stumbling block to an attitude of gratitude --- especially if you are stuck in the debt --- duty cycle.

Getting gifts can be hard and uncomfortable --- while giving them, for most of us, is much easier

One of the things I learned in Diana Butler Bass', wonderful book simply called GRATEFUL is that gratitude and grace come from the same root word.

Bass writes:

grace and gratitude form a different moral "equation."  The standard model of gratitude is a closed cycle of gift and return bound by social obligation and indebtedness, whereby a "benefactor," a superior of some sort (someone wealthier, more powerful), provides a benefit for another, a "beneficiary," a person in a state of need or trouble.  In the closed cycle, the beneficiary is dependant of the benefactor in a way that feels demeaning or signals indebtedness. . . . This is why my grandmother found gratitude humiliating.  No wonder.  Few want to be on the receiving end of an unequal transaction.

Our Christian ethos teaches that we are never independent of each other

          rather we have a "mutual reliance" to each other

We need each other

And we need to learn to be grateful for the kindness of others who help us along the way.

Somehow we need to move from this closed cycle of debt and duty to an open one of grace --- of gift and response

Bass writes:

in an open cycle of gratitude, gifts are not commodities.  Gifts are the nature of the universe itself, given by God or the natural order.  Grace reminds us that every good thing is a gift --- that somehow the rising of the sun and being alive are indiscriminate daily offerings to us --- and then we understand that all benefactors are also beneficiaries and all beneficiaries can be benefactors.  All that we have was gifted to us. . . . gifts come before givers.  We do not really give gifts.  We recognize them, we receive them, and we pass them on.  We all rely on these gifts.  We all share them.

She goes on:

Gratitude is complicated.  Feelings of dependence --- and interdependence --- can be both elusive and resisted, mostly because they are caught up with soul-crushing ideas of obligation and debt.  But if gratitude is mutual reliance upon (instead of payback for) shared gifts, we awaken to a profound awareness of our interdependence.

The great German theologian of the 19th century, Friedrich Schleiermacher, understood that gratitude was the truest state of reality.  He believed that everything existed in an infinite relationship of gifts to everything else.

Gratitude toward others, the world and God was the starting place for finding meaning in life.

I love what the author of James writes:

Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light.   (James 1:17 The Message)

God is not handing out gifts and expecting thank you notes in return.

God is giving every gift and they are rivers of light cascading down from God.

James goes on to say that when we understand in our heart that gifts and gratitude are a part of the very fabric of the universe, we will not only be a better person, but we will do good in the world.

Learning to open our hearts to the constant flow of receiving and responding to all that happens around us makes us more generous.

Diana Butler Bass writes:

Gratitude, at its deepest and perhaps most transformative level, is not warm feelings about what we have.  Instead, gratitude is the deep ability to embrace the gift of who we are, that we are, that in the multibillion-year history of the universe each one of us has been born, can love, grows in awareness, and has a story.  Life is the gift.

Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor and author was asked by Oprah Winfrey about gratitude.

Wiesel said:

When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.  A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.

Gratitude is not what we have --- but that we are.

Too often we make gratitude the caboose of our faith train, but God is inviting us to see it as the beginning.

Philip Watkins, the psychologist was asked if there was a word that captures gratitude and his answer was remarkably simple.

          Grace, grateful people are full of grace.

To be grateful is to know that life is a gift.

My prayer is that you can begin to see the grace --- see the gift --- in all of life and be filled with gratitude because of it.

Today we celebrate giving our faith promise cards. 

My first hope is that you turned one in. 

My second hope is that you did it not with an attitude of debt and duty, but because you have come to experience that all of life is a gift and that gift is because of God's unending grace.  Grace that cascades down like a river of light.