Fred Conger

 The last year has been challenging for all of us.  It has been especially hard on my father.  My parents wintered in a small home in Phoenix, Arizona.  They have been snow-birds for the last few decades: first in Florida (usually Flagler Beach area), then in Ajijic, Mexico.  They settled down in Sun City Arizona, first renting a home and finally buying a small place of their own.  They made their usual trip late in the fall of 2019 to spend the winter there, little did they know what awaited them.

Mid-April was the time in which they would return to their condo in Darien, IL.  But by April last year, our world was shut down and we were all forced to shelter in place.  The truth is, my dad has been struggling with the onset of dementia for a while.  The pandemic and being stuck in Arizona was the worst thing for him.  He found himself in the hospital over the summer with pneumonia.  He claimed that they put him in a closet in the basement and they were trying to harm him.  None of us know what really happened since the hospital was closed to visitors, but it was the start of a rapid decline.

I flew out in August, to try and figure out what was going on because to be honest, the information was sketchy.  I was planning on being there for the doctor appointment, but due to a miss communication I showed up in time for his podiatry appointment and not the pulmonologist or internist.  I was shocked at the condition I found him.  He was still able to carry on a conversation, but in the midst of things, wild stories would enter in.

Two weeks after returning home, mom called and asked if I could fly out and bring them home.  On September 21st I flew to Arizona and brought them home Darien on the 23rd.  When I arrived on the 21st I was not certain that we would be able to get him back to Chicago.  Somehow, God willing, we made it safely to their condo.  

After his return, dad rallied a bit.  I began the process of searching for an appropriate senior living facility to move them into.  Dad said the only place he would go to was Oak Trace in Downers Grove.  It was the first place we visited and it was lovely.  For whatever reason, every apartment that we looked at was under renovation and my dad believed that they would have to move into an apartment without any walls.  His mind just could not understand the process that was going on.  Scott had been encouraging them to look at places out by his new home in Geneva, IL.  That lead us to look at the Covenant at the Holmstad.  My dad fell in love with the place.  By December we signed the papers to have them move in February.

In early January, we began to realize we needed to get them moved as soon as possible and we were able to push up the move in date to Jan 15th.  It was a struggle, as the burden fell on mom.  Dad had a hard time comprehending that they needed to downsize at least half their stuff.  The agency we worked with did a fantastic job in helping make the move go smoothly.

In the midst of all that Scott and Joette were tasked with getting the house in Phoenix emptied out and sold.  They did a fantastic job, and within just a few weeks the house was gone.  At the same time, Nancy and I organized the grandkids to help get the condo on the market.  It did not sell as easily as the place in Arizona, but just a few weeks ago we were able to get the sale finalized.

Since the move, dad has continued to slowly deteriorate.  For whatever reason, in the last few weeks the deterioration accelerated.  Mom became unable to keep him safe and the hallucinations began to take over.

Last week dad fell getting out of bed and hurt his arm and maybe his back.  X-rays showed nothing was broken but he is black and blue.  As he became more and more unsteady and the hallucinations increased, with the help of the staff, mom was able to reach the conclusion that we needed to seek additional care.  

Yesterday, we moved dad into the health care center, to try and get him stabilized, make sure he really didn’t hurt anything in the fall, and wait for a room in memory care.  Moving him was a terrible experience, as he became very agitated and angry, most of all he is frustrated because at some level knows he can’t do things, but his mind no longer fully cooperates.  I am certain we made the right move, but it is heart breaking.

My father has always been my hero.  His extreme extroversion could drive me nuts at times (I am wired more like my mom) but he was always the one I could go to when something was perplexing me at the church.  He was always there.  Every church that I have served, but one, has had the opportunity to hear my dad preach.  It was always a little disconcerting when people would ask me when my dad would be back 😉.  He was the best preacher I ever heard, and those congregations as well.  By the time I moved to Meridian Street in 2016, he really could not preach any longer.  I am sad that the people here never got to hear him, but I am thankful that I had the best teacher, mentor, and friend that could be found.

Please keep my mom in your prayers.  She is doing great but has her moments.  She will continue to reside at the Holmstad in her apartment.  I hope that dad can find peace.  He would always say: “I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of the process.”  I pray every night that Stewart will come and bring him home.

What to Do: Celebrating God's Grace

 Ruth 4:13-17 (Common English Bible)

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife.

He was intimate with her, the Lord let her become pregnant, and she gave birth to a son. The women said to Naomi, “May the Lord be blessed, who today hasn’t left you without a redeemer. May his name be proclaimed in Israel. He will restore your life and sustain you in your old age. Your daughter-in-law who loves you has given birth to him. She’s better for you than seven sons.” Naomi took the child and held him to her breast, and she became his guardian. The neighborhood women gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They called his name Obed. He became Jesse’s father and David’s grandfather.

For the past month we have been looking at what one should do, when they don’t know what to do.

We have talked about learning to wait, how to listen; 

• we wrestled with what to do when you don’t like where God is leading you --- 

• and last week we talked about accepting the reality that things don’t always go as planned.

Richard Rohr, and many others, love to talk about Redemptive Suffering.

I struggle with that concept ---

Anything with the word suffering in it --- just doesn’t appeal to me.

I don’t know about you --- but suffering is not my goal in life.

The God I follow is like a parent whose heart breaks when any child suffers.

In a Roman Catholic blog, Jen Arnold writes:

In Catholicism we have a concept called “redemptive suffering.” What this means is that, in actively and willfully joining our sufferings to the Cross, we cooperate with Jesus in our own (and others’) redemption, effectively making us co-redeemers.

She goes on:

As fallen beings, we humans cannot escape suffering because it is an effect of sin. Since suffering is inevitable, we can, and should, use it to our advantage. We can take our suffering and yoke it to the cross and offer it up as reparation for our sins. Since we are all connected members of the Body of Christ, we can also offer up our sufferings for our loved ones, or for anyone else we may be called to help. This sacrificial offering of our suffering is elevated through Jesus’ perfect suffering on Calvary which was the ultimate reparation for sin. By subordinately cooperating with Jesus in suffering, we are acknowledging His sacrifice for us and expressing our gratitude by agreeing to carry some of the burden ourselves alongside of Him. The result of reparation helps to cleanse our souls from the stain of our sin, making us clean so that we may one day enter heaven. That is how our suffering becomes redemptive.

I am still not sold.

The idea that God needs me to offer reparations for my sins makes no sense . . . 

I thought Jesus took care of that.

This sounds way too much like the theological fake news that Pastor Matt and I preached on almost three years ago.

The ideas that God won’t give you more than you can handle. 

Or even worse

That everything happens for a reason.

As I shared in both of those sermons --- I do not believe God tries to see how much we can handle and stresses us almost to the point of breaking.

Nor do I believe that God ordains bad things to happen.

• I do not believe that Maris Hastings died because God wanted her in heaven.

• Or that Dayshawn Bills needed to be shot in the head by a stray bullet on the Northeast side of our city while playing video games in his grandmothers living room

• Or that my father’s dementia is to . . . 

• --- gosh I have no idea what God would want to cause such pain in any of these examples.

Neither concepts figures into my hermeneutic (my interpretation of the bible)

But I do think there can be a redemptive nature to suffering.

Richard Rohr’s daily meditation has led me back to one of the most influential books in my life.

If you have never read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning” --- you need to.

In 1946, after surviving four different Nazi concentration camps while losing his wife, father, mother and brother Frankl wrote “Man’s Search for Meaning”.

In it, Frankl chronicles his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps.

During his imprisonment, he noticed that some prisoners did better than others in surviving the horrors of the holocaust.

He posits that those prisoners who can identify a purpose in life --- something to feel positive about, and then immersivity imagining that outcome --- that it greatly affected their longevity.

He argues that the way one imagines their future greatly impacts that future.

It is the same basic premise that Rick Warren developed in his Purpose Driven Life, but Warren twists it by suggesting that God causes the good and bad to happen in our lives.

I don’t accept that part.

I am not a Calvinist.

Nowhere does Frankl suggest that God caused the holocaust.

What Frankl challenges us with is: 

what are we going to do with what happens in our lives?

Rohr quoted Edith Eva Eger from her book, The Choice in his devotion:

[Frankl] is speaking to me. He is speaking for me. . . . I read this, which is at the very heart of Frankl’s teaching: Everything can be taken from a man [person] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Each moment is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond. And I finally begin to understand that I, too, have a choice. This realization will change my life.

So, the question for me is --- does God want me to be glorified in my suffering, or even glorify God in my suffering --- or does God want me to choose to take that suffering and use it to make me a better person?

When I think of redemptive suffering it is not 

taking our suffering and yoking it to the cross and offer it up as reparation for our sins 

--- As the Roman Catholic theologian Jen Arnold suggests

Rather it is finding in our suffering some redeeming quality, 

some redeeming purpose in it.

What has all of this got to do with Ruth?

Last week we ended with Naomi heading back to Bethlehem because her husband and sons have died.

Her sons had married Moabite woman and Naomi encourages them to return to their homes with the hope that they will be accepted back and able to find new husbands.

Orpah chooses to go home ---

But Ruth proclaims:

“Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!”

When they arrived at Bethlehem and Naomi is greeted by the townspeople she declares:

“Don’t call me Naomi, but call me Mara, for the Almighty has made me very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has returned me empty.”

I hope you read the middle two chapters --- because in them you find two strong and resourceful women who do everything they can to not only survive --- but thrive.

I told you last week that I often have a hard time seeing God when I am in the middle of a painful stretch of life --- but afterwards, once the experience is in the rearview mirror I can often reflect and see the presence of God.

I think the same was true for Ruth and Naomi.

During this ordeal, from losing their husbands --- to being forced to return to Bethlehem --- the failed to see the presence of God.

But the story wants us to know that God was there in the midst of it all.

Moabites were considered to be the enemies of the people of Israel. 

Repeatedly we are told that they are not a part of the chosen people of God.

Yet our story centers around a Moabite woman

A foreigner

An immigrant

She was one of the “others”

A WOMAN

How often is a woman a central character in a biblical story?

A foreign woman 

--- from a hated country 

--- who lives a remarkable story

Pushing past the pressures of society, Ruth, a Moabite woman, makes a bold choice and takes control of her life. 

The text shows us how God is present through human agency and human action. 

After her husband’s death, Ruth chooses to remain faithful to her mother-in-law Naomi,

an uncomfortable choice as it requires her to live apart from her family of origin and native land ---

and risk moving to a place she very well might not be welcome.

Naomi tells Ruth to glean in the fields in order to harvest enough grain to feed both of them.

Ruth happens to find herself in the field of a relative of Naomi’s.

This relative witnesses the drive, the bravery, the tenacity and faithfulness of Ruth.

After a --- not ready for family time story, found in the 3rd chapter --- Boaz, this distant relative of Naomi’s decides to redeem her and take her for a wife.

Again --- there are great problems with this story to our 21 century ears.

No woman should be bought and sold.

But that is basically what happened here.

Ruth envisions a better future --- and then does everything in her power to make it happen.

She doesn’t take the attitude of Naomi/Mari who became bitter because of her lot.

Ruth, takes the attitude that Frankl would later write about --- she chose a determined attitude in the circumstances that she found herself in and she ultimately choose her own way.

It wasn’t God’s plan that the husbands of Ruth and Naomi die --- but by choosing a better way --- Ruth sets the stage for great things to come.

Through Ruth, Naomi’s steadfast companion, Naomi was “nourished in her old age” by her care for the baby son of Ruth and Boaz --- Obed. 

While Naomi suffered the loss of her husband and sons, 

She also potentially lost the security and meaning that family structure carried with it in her society.

Yet, because of grace --- Naomi found new joy and meaning in her relationship with Ruth and Ruth’s family.

I don’t know if you caught the end of the story --- Ruth and Boaz have a child by the name of Obed

Obed has a son named Jesse

Jesse has a son named David

As in King David

As in the family of Jesus

Ruth --- a foreign woman from a despised country becomes the great, great, great, great grandmother of Jesus.

Crazy things can happen --- if we look for the light instead of focusing on the darkness.

I don’t know what redemption can happen from the tragedy of Dayshawn Bills’ being shot in the head and killed while playing video games in his grandmothers living room.

Maybe he will be the tipping point?

• and we will understand that we need sensible gun laws.

• that systemic poverty tends to lead to violence, and we will work to change our societies values.

• maybe we will see Dayshawn as our child, our brother --- and care.

I know that the worst tragedies of my life --- in hindsight --- were some of my greatest opportunities for growth.

I would never want to put anyone through the loss of a child --- or sibling.

But I stand here today because God lead me through that wilderness.

.

How can you reframe your focus when you are in those dark places in your life --- So that you can see God’s light shining on a path forward?

I know it doesn’t take away the pain --- but for me --- it can make it redemptive.

Naomi’s life, in the height of darkness and bitterness, took a major turn because Ruth walked alongside her and supported her. 

Stop and reflect for a moment on someone who has journeyed with you in a difficult time --- can you picture them?

So many of you, and other friends have reached out to me this past week after I shared about my father’s challenges.  And I thank you!

Take some time this week and reach out to those who have been there for you and thank them for being a light in the midst of your dark moments in life. 

But one more question:

Who is God inviting you to be a “Ruth” to? 

Who can you walk alongside and offer support?

Take some time and offer a life-line to someone who is struggling.

David --- Ruth’s grandson --- at the death of his son Absalom, wrote one of the most beautiful and beloved Psalm of all time.

These are words of redemption for each of us --- and a reminder that we NEVER walk alone.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Walk with someone or allow someone to walk with you.  Amen.

-------------

Benediction

May the road rise up to meet you

May you always feel the wind at your back

May the sun shine warmly upon your face

May the rain fall gently on your fields

And until we gather together again

May you know that you are safe

In the gentle loving arms of God.

Go and be Ruth to someone in need!

Amen.

What To Do: It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Ruth 1:11-21 (Common English Bible)

Naomi replied, “Turn back, my daughters. Why would you go with me? Will there again be sons in my womb, that they would be husbands for you? Turn back, my daughters. Go. I am too old for a husband. If I were to say that I have hope, even if I had a husband tonight, and even more, if I were to bear sons— would you wait until they grew up? Would you refrain from having a husband? No, my daughters. This is more bitter for me than for you, since the Lord’s will has come out against me.”

Then they lifted up their voices and wept again. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth stayed with her. Naomi said, “Look, your sister-in-law is returning to her people and to her gods. Turn back after your sister-in-law.”

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to abandon you, to turn back from following after you. Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do this to me and more so if even death separates me from you.” When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped speaking to her about it.

So both of them went along until they arrived at Bethlehem. When they arrived at Bethlehem, the whole town was excited on account of them, and the women of the town asked, “Can this be Naomi?”

She replied to them, “Don’t call me Naomi, but call me Mara, for the Almighty has made me very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has returned me empty. Why would you call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has deemed me guilty?”

Isn’t it amazing how life can turn on a dime?

March 15th, 2020, we met for the last time at 5500 N Meridian Street.

That evening Nancy and I held a reunion for those who went to Israel, at our home --- maybe 15 attended.

By the time we woke up the next morning everything had changed --- the world ground to a halt

Then this past Thursday afternoon, just as the weekly email with my thoughts on re-opening the church arrived in your inbox, the CDC announced a major shift in policy.

What does it all mean?

First and foremost, it says that if you have not gotten vaccinated ---

NOW is the time to do so.

Vaccines make all the difference.

It also seemed to affirm that I should continue to plan for re-opening in-person worship on June 13th at 10 am.

For those who are not ready to return to the building, I want to remind you that we will continue to livestream and post the service on Facebook.

Yes, I know there is one important question that remains --- and I have been asked this question numerous times ---will we have donuts?

Frankly I don’t know

But the one thing I do know --- it will NOT be a return to normal --- we cannot go back to the way things were.

 

As we return, we will have only 1 service for this summer --- so you may not be able to sit in the same place, some people will not return, others may come.

I am thinking that may not be a bad thing.

Sitting somewhere different will allow you to experience the sanctuary from a new perspective.

It will give you a different angle to view things

Different people to sit near and to meet (maybe for the first time)

We are creatures of habit

But all of our habits have undergone radical change.

And as we experience this NEW NORMAL there will be times where we do not know what to do

Today we are going to look at a fascinating story from the Hebrew Bible in which nothing seemed to go as planned.  

It is a story of how people learn to adapt when things aren’t okay.

Our story opens with a man named Elimelech, his wife (Naomi) and 2 sons leaving Bethlehem to go across the Jordan river to the country of Moab (modern Jordan) because there was a famine in the land.

While there were living in Moab, Elimelech dies.

The two sons each marry Moabite woman, Orpah and Ruth.

After being in Moab about 10 years BOTH sons die.

Things are not going quite like they had planned when they left Bethlehem to take refuge in Moab.

Naomi has heard that the famine is over in Bethlehem and decides that it is time to return home.  

It is here that the story Dan read begins:

After a short while on the road, Naomi told her two daughters-in-law, “Go back. Go home and live with your mothers. And may God treat you as graciously as you treated your deceased husbands and me. May God give each of you a new home and a new husband!” She kissed them and they cried openly.

Naomi is going back to Bethlehem --- in the hope that someone will take her in

She is urging Orpah and Ruth to return to their family homes in the hope that they too will be welcomed home --- and able to find husbands.

But they refused to leave, Naomi insists and eventually Orpah relents and returns to her family home.

In one of the most beautiful passages in the bible text --- Ruth refuses to leave Naomi and says:

“Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!”

Before we go any further --- we must acknowledge the horrid state that women were in during this period in the history of Israel.  

As the story makes clear --- women were basically items to be bought and sold

They had no agency on their own

When I hear people say --- we need to return to biblical values --- this is not one that I want to see us EVER to return to.

I do not believe that this is God’s values

Women are not commodities

They are children of God

Made in the image of God

(Can I get an Amen for that!)

Unfortunately, the Israelite people did not understand that truth at the time.

Because of that --- women were forced to compromise themselves.

And there are way too many biblical stories that highlight that tragedy

While we hear Ruth’s beautiful promise to stand with Naomi --- the sad truth is --- by doing so she makes both of their situations even more precarious.

It is less likely that a MAN would be willing to take in both of them

And at the end of this section of the story of Ruth --- something rather interesting happens.

Naomi wants to change her name.

She goes from being called, “Naomi,” which means pleasant; 

to being called, “Mara,” which means bitter. 

She is choosing to be defined by her bitterness, 

so much so that she literally renames herself. 

In her state of “not being okay,” she expresses her anger toward God, whom she feels has “brought calamity” upon her. 

How does she do that?

Not by turning away from God 

or disbelieving in God

Rather, she calls out to God in prayer.

No one in the story 

Not God --- Not the religious leaders --- nor her family chastise Naomi for having these negative feelings or for her being honest to God.

I encouraged you to read the entire book of Ruth this week --- I hope that you did.

But if you didn’t (and even if you did) I want to invite you again to read the Book of Ruth --- it is just four short chapters --- because I will pick up on this story next week.

Life can change in an instant.

A week ago Saturday, 39-year-old Maris Hastings died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism.  Her husband Steven had died nine years earlier and she leaves behind two young children --- Nathaniel and Kiana.

Last Sunday morning, Geoff Klinger was getting ready to go to his parents house to celebrate mother’s day --- his daughter went to check on him and found him dead of a massive heart attack --- he was 54 years old.

Life is fragile and can be upset in an instant.

Life often doesn’t go as planned

All of us have had to do our best to navigate COVID for the past 15 months.

We have missed: 

vacations

Family time

Weddings

Funerals

Everything in between

It is easy to allow the tragedies of life to change us from being pleasant (Naomi) to bitter (Mara)

Have you ever chosen to redefine yourself in a negative way because of something that has happened?

I know I have

Have you ever chosen to stay away from people who are struggling or suffering.

Again --- I know I have

When things don’t go the way that we want --- 

Often our first reaction is to become bitter and blame God. 

It is okay to be angry. 

Expressing anger and fear is a healthy and normal part of anyone’s faith journey. 

We need not fear anger and bitterness in ourselves or others. 

God will not turn us away because we question and doubt.

The Good News is --- no actually --- the GREAT NEWS is God’s love and grace are bigger than our pain and anger. 

Paul reminds us of this in his letter to the people of Corinth.  

It is in his second letter that he writes about how he has been afflicted with trials.  

The image that he uses is that he had a thorn in his flesh.

But it isn’t the thorn that Paul wants us to focus on --- 

what he wants us to remember --- is that God’s grace is enough.

He writes, quoting God: (2 Corinthians 12:9 The Message)

“My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”

Can you think back on moments in your life when God’s grace was enough?

For me --- I often can’t see or experience that grace when I am in the midst of pain and tragedy.

But as time passes, I am often surprised how I can see the love and presence of God.

A God who was present --- even in the midst of my pain.

As we move through this coming week, I want again to encourage you to read the story of Ruth.  

It really won’t take long.  

Listen and see what God is wanting to show you in this story.

Richard Rohr in his daily devotional a few weeks ago was focused on change.  As we struggle with our new reality, I think his words can offer comfort and insight.

He writes:

God puts us in a world of passing things where everything changes and nothing remains the same. The only thing that doesn’t change is change itself. It’s a hard lesson to learn. It helps us appreciate that everything is a gift. We didn’t create it. We don’t deserve it. It will not last, but while we breathe it in, we can enjoy it, and know that it is another moment of God, another moment of life. People who take this moment seriously take every moment seriously, those are the people who are ready for heaven. If religion isn’t leading us into an eternal now, an eternal moment, an always-true moment, an always-love moment, then we have not lived the moment at all.

So Look

Listen

And be present in the moment

Be aware of your surroundings.   

Be aware of those who are struggling around you.

Ask yourself --- 

How can I be supportive and walk alongside another --- regardless of where they are at --- even if they are (like Naomi) bitter and frustrated?

How can I build healthy ways of expressing my honest emotions to God? 

And can I help others to express their honest emotions as well.

I fully believe that God gives us room to not be okay, 

to struggle with our doubts and questions --- our WHY’S --- 

but I also am convinced that God calls us to be together in the midst of our struggles.

That is why community is so important

And why I look forward to having everyone back in this sanctuary real soon.

Who can you be present for this week?

Read Ruth, I believe you will be blessed in doing so.

Next week, we will get --- as Paul Harvey used to say: The Rest of The Story

Loving God,

You are active and alive, always moving and stirring within and around us!

Please be an encouraging wind at our backs,

Giving us open minds and soft hearts to follow where you lead.

Make us flexible and present in each moment,

So that we might embrace compassion by letting go of what we expected.

In your loving name we pray.

Amen.