These are the words that I wrote to say at my dad's (Fred Conger's) memorial service. I have no idea what exactly I said, but this is what was on my heart. Sorry it has taken me so long to post sermons and this, I have just needed some time to breathe and gather myself. A couple of weeks ago, the Conger clan gathered together for out annual vacation --- something was missing! I can't tell you how much I miss him, he was not only my father, but he was my mentor and friend. And as Tim said, he was inn many ways "larger than life". I will forever be blessed by his wisdom and memory.
This is my fourth time speaking in this beautiful sanctuary
First time was at Stewart’s memorial service in 1985
Then you invited me to preach after I was ordained an elder 32 years ago
The last time was at my father’s retirement --- I said a few words
And now today --- this community is near and dear to my heart.
Over the years my father has written down his instructions for his funeral.
Almost all of his friends that he wanted to preside over his service are now dead.
Five years ago, he re-wrote his Memorial Service instructions --- and I had not seen them until a two weeks ago.
He wrote:
I want this service to be held at the First United Methodist Church of Downers Grove with no casket present. It is to be a memorial service. Please try to keep it within one hour.
Steven Conger should be in charge of the service. If he is unable or does not want to do it, then have Steven Howland.
But my favorite part
Let any grandchild speak, but only for three minutes. Something they remembered about Granddad Fred. No clergy to speak.
Sounds just like him
No one has influenced me more than my father.
While he served here as your pastor, Marilou Welsh would send me cassette tapes of his sermons --- so I could continue to be influenced by his wisdom.
After he retired, every Sunday on my way home from church, I would call and we would talk about how my service went.
I can’t tell you how much I miss that.
Thursday June 10th, Nancy and I drove up from Indianapolis.
I spent the night with him in the hospital
It was a rough night
Kept calling for Scott and Carol
He told me he was sorry
We prayed together --- and I reminded him that he was loved
At 3 am he started a conversation with someone ---
I have no idea who
It lasted almost three hours and at about 6 am
--- for whatever reason
--- the conversation ended and he stopped fighting
I became pretty convinced that he was talking with Clarke, Phil, Charlie, Claude, Bill and others of his gang that had already gone before --- and of course Stewart.
They were inviting him home --- but he just wasn’t ready yet.
Friday, after we got to the Hospice house the entire family gathered around him
Scott and Joette were on their way home from Florida
They stopped along the road and FaceTimed with dad
At about 615 or so, Casey got ahold of Scott J. who was in North Dakota --- and let him say goodbye.
At a little before 630 we began singing --- very poorly mind you --- McNamara’s Band --- the song he sang to his grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.
In the middle of the song --- he let go
It was a beautiful moment
Nancy was listening to the radio and Dan Fogelberg’s song The Leader of the Band came on. Fogelberg wrote it as a tribute to his father, but the words hit home for me.
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
As a dear friend wrote me the other day --- “your dad was always just a little larger than life.”
He was the leader of the band --- and I am happy to be a poor imitation of him --- because that is pretty damn good.
I am happy to call him friend, mentor and most importantly Dad.
Richard Bach in Illusions wrote:
Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.
I love you Pop’s
--- and I look forward to the day we can once again talk about the church.
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